


If I Could Close My Eyes

by luvranboo



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Derealization, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, Psychological Trauma, Tears, extreme angst and hurt with no comfort. we die like men, ranboo's tears can burn him. not a fun time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29212734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvranboo/pseuds/luvranboo
Summary: Ranboo faces Dream in his prison cell. It doesn't go according to plan.HUGE TW & CW FOR:- derealization/derealisation- panic attacks- blood/body horror
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble & Ranboo, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 355





	If I Could Close My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> check out my twitter for fics, theories, headcanons, and more :] @luvranboo

Dream sauntered closer to Ranboo. The boy was shaking at this point, but Dream hadn’t shown any emotion other than glee for the duration of Ranboo’s visit to his prison cell. He wagged his finger at Ranboo.

“The truth is that you _helped_ me,” Dream said. “And you’ve helped Dream.”

Ranboo paused. “No, I-I-”

“I’m not even Dream.”

“What- no, no, what? I got-I got- no, you, you have to be! I got rid of the- you, okay, you somehow know what I went through in the panic room and everything, so you’re just- you’re doing this as a way to try to make me think that I’m-”

“I know what you went through because I’m _you.”_

Ranboo took a step back. “No- you- No! No no no no no, you-” The words weren’t coming out right. He could feel his throat tightening. “You- I don’t know how you know what happened in the panic room, but you- you’re- ah-”

“Look, you’ve been helping Dream! The only reason you haven’t been talking to me recently is because you can’t picture what he sounds like. You used to talk to him every day! Used to _help_ him!”

“Wait- no, I didn’t, I-”

“He would tell you things to do. You were like his little servant.”

_“No,_ I, I couldn’t- I couldn’t be, I couldn’t let myself do that. You _know_ that I couldn’t let myself do that. I couldn’t work with the person that has hurt so many people.”

The Dream-like figure stayed silent for a moment. He then took a step towards Ranboo. “Well, you did.”

“No. No, I-”

“You _did._ Many times.”

Ranboo realized how close Dream _(Not-Dream? What should it be called if it really isn’t Dream?)_ was to his face and stumbled backwards. He broke into a pace. “But- okay, but if it’s so prominent, as you say it is, then how come I don’t remember any of it?”

Dream looked over at Ranboo, who had crossed the room while thinking aloud. Dream hadn’t moved from his spot. The man held his hands behind his back and leaned forward, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side. His pupils were small but his eyes were wide. His grin was unchanging. He was the most unnerving thing Ranboo had ever seen.

His smile doubled in size. “You _do.”_

Ranboo felt like the air had gotten kicked out of his lungs. “What- what do you mean that I do? I _don’t-_ I don’t remember, I-”

“You do because I’m you.”

Ranboo retreated further into the corner that was opposite Dream. “No, you just, you just-”

Dream tilted his head at even more of an angle. Ranboo stopped dead in his tracks. Dream’s neck kept twisting, slowly, slowly, but his eyes never changed. His grin was consistent. And Ranboo couldn’t bring himself to break eye contact.

_Eye contact? Why can’t I close my eyes?_

Dream hadn’t moved from his spot across the room. His hands were still folded politely behind his back. He was still leaning forward. But his face had been completely turned upside down.

Ranboo’s eyes were wide with terror. Dream’s smile grew even more. His voice came out in a whisper.

“I’m not even real.”

And he was gone. No trace left behind.

Ranboo was frozen. “Wait. What?”

He could feel the room spinning around him. His brain was moving a million miles a minute. _No, I got rid of him, I got rid of him, I got rid of the voice, I- ah- wait- I got rid of the voice, I got- I got- uh- no, no no no no no, this has to be- no, there’s, there’s, there’s no way, there’s no way. The ceiling was falling, now. The ceiling! What? I got **rid** of the voice, **I got rid of the voice! I got rid of it!** There’s no way! **I got rid of the voice!** It has to have been- it has to have been- no, it just-_

Ranboo’s vision went black.

* * *

At first, the snow was cold against Ranboo’s skin. Then it began to sting.

He lifted his head. His entire body felt stiff. As he craned his neck upwards, the stinging sensation increased more and more on the parts of his body that were exposed to the snow. “What… how am I back here?”

Ranboo’s heart was still racing; he couldn’t tell how long he had been out for, but he evidently had not calmed down in the slightest.

“How- what- it wasn’t real? _He wasn’t real?_ How-”

Ranboo tried to stand, but his knees gave out. He fell back into the snow. He was only now taking in his surroundings. He noticed that his clothes were completely soaked through, dousing every inch of his skin. The stinging was growing to a burn. _How did I not realize that before? I’m- I’m completely out of it, I don’t even know how I got back here, oh my god._

He couldn’t catch his breath. Ranboo kept trying to stand, but his body physically couldn’t take the stress of his own weight, and every time he rose, he only fell again. He was cold. But he was burning, too.

“I need- I, ah, I need to get inside, get to my house, I need- oh my gosh, oh, please, I- I- ah-” Ranboo was crawling, now, dragging himself in the direction of his house. He could feel his skin prickling as time passed, the burning feeling only worsening the longer he spent in the snow.

“The pain isn’t real.”

Ranboo halted. _Is- is that him? He’s still here? With me?_

Dream waltzed in front of Ranboo, who was still on his chest on the ground. Though he heard no footsteps, Ranboo could clearly see the other man walking. He stopped directly in front of Ranboo, planting his feet in the snow. Ranboo looked up, trying to meet Dream’s eyes.

Dream’s head was still upside down. His grin hadn’t faded.

“Yes, I’m still here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Ranboo’s throat was closing up. He tried to take a deep breath, but the throbbing pain coming from the water all over his body was continuously knocking the wind out of him. This man that was towering above him, he had such a daunting aura that he couldn’t get his thoughts in order. “What- okay, what do you mean that the pain isn’t real? I literally- you can see that I can’t stand right now, right? That’s pretty real to me.”

Dream shrugged. His hands remained folded behind him. “Yeah, to you. But the mind is a powerful thing. You can create anything up there. You got me, right?”

Ranboo was catching every other word at this point. His head was still spinning. The weight on his chest grew heavier with each passing moment. “No, no, you’re one thing, you’re not real, but this- this pain, it’s real. It’s gotta be real. I can’t stand up! I’m _burning!”_

“Well, maybe it is real, then,” Dream replied nonchalantly. “But you gotta choose one-” -his left hand came around his torso- “-or the other!” His right hand met his left, both teetering, as if imitating a scale. Weighing options in the air. “Can’t be both. Either the pain is fake, or I’m real.”

“You’re just a voice!” Ranboo shouted, his voice hoarse. “You look like Dream, you sound like Dream, but you- you’re not him! Dream can’t turn his _fucking head_ on a 180 degree axis!”

“Ooh, we’re cursing now, are we?” Dream dropped from his tall stance into the snow, crouching in front of Ranboo.

Ranboo’s face was battered and scratched. Maybe from the collapsing prison, if that was even a real event. He didn’t know. But he could taste the blood on his lips.

“Why- why did you say “we”? I just-”

“Because I’m _you!”_ Dream yelled. The veins in his neck were tense. He snapped his face back into place in a millisecond, all while maintaining eye contact with Ranboo. “How many fucking times am I gonna have to tell you this, Ranboo? I’m literally you! I know everything you’ve done-”

“No, no no no no no, you don’t, you don’t know anything, you-”

“I’ve heard every thought-”

“No, no! You just-”

“I’ve witnessed every crime-”

“I’ve gotta- you don’t-”

“And I remember every damn time that you _**helped me!”**_ Dream screamed. His eyes were wild, and his chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace. The silence that followed was deafening. Ranboo could only hear the snowfall and his own ragged breathing.

And then he felt tears in his eyes.

Ranboo gasped. “Oh, oh my god, no no no- please- if I helped you, I don’t care if you’re real or not, not right now, but if I helped you, you’d help me, right? Please? Please, get me to my house, I need to dry off-”

“I can’t do that.”

“W-what?” Ranboo grasped at the ground beneath him, taking the exposed soil into his hands. “But- but if I helped you, then-”

“I can’t physically touch you, Ranboo.” Dream slowly took to his feet, standing at his full height. “You gotta help yourself!”

And he was gone again. Into thin air.

Ranboo’s pain, however, certainly was not gone. And he could see his vision starting to fog.  
_God, why, why now, I don’t need to cry! Please! I just need to get inside! I’m- I’m cold, and my body- please- my body is burning, I’m burning, I’m **burning!**_

“I’m burning!” Ranboo screamed. His voice cracked. It felt like an iron fist was pushing on his chest, constricting his breathing. His whole body was shaking from exhaustion and panic. Tears were welling up in his eyes. “Please! If- if this isn’t real- please let this be fake, I don’t- I don’t want this, I don’t, I just want this to end- ah-”

Ranboo’s voice gave out. He could taste blood in the back of his throat. His hands were singed and covered in welts, as were his forearms and neck. And now his face was burning as his tears continued to fall.

_Please, please, this can’t be it. This is too real. These feelings, I can **feel** them, they’re there, they’re right there, and I can’t- I can’t stop crying once it starts, please, no no no no no-_

Ranboo’s eyes were blazing. His vision quickly spiralled from foggy, to hazy, to a messy jumble of colors.The tears continued to flow over and onto his face.

He continued to dig his hands into the earth, desperately trying to pull himself forward. His thoughts were consuming him more and more with every inch traveled. _Was the prison real? Was that actually Dream, just in his true form? Did I actually help Dream? Or the Voice? Is the voice real, or just in my head? If it’s in my head, does that make it real? Did I die? How did I get home? Did Dream take me here? Is Sam okay? Did Dream kill Sam? Was Sam even really there? Did I imagine him? Did I make up that entire interaction? Oh, god, I lied to Sam. I broke the contract, didn’t I? If it’s real, that is. Okay, well, who else did you lie to? Who else did you betray? Is this pain real, or is Dream right? Are **you** real?_

He halted his motions, putting his hand on his chest. He could feel his heartbeat; it was still racing. And the skin-to-skin contact felt like putting his bare hand on hot pavement.

Ranboo couldn’t tell how far he was from his house, and at this point, he didn’t think he would ever find out. It was too far. Too far to crawl with seared and bleeding legs and arms, with burning face and hands, with blinded eyes, with the most excruciating pain he had ever felt coursing through every fiber of his body. Too far.

He rolled over onto his back, sprawling his arms and legs in the snow. His tears were bubbling over and rolling up his forehead because of the gravitational change. His breaths were uneven. His chest shook.

_I can’t see the sky, he thought. I can barely see **anything.**_

Ranboo’s body laid in the snow for a while; he remained still, letting the snow melt around him and seep further into his soaked clothing. The pain didn’t subside. His skin was raw.

_Let this end. Let me burn._

His eyes shut.

* * *

“Techno, maybe you should be the one on this shift-”

“I would much rather stay inside, but thanks for being so considerate-”

“You know that isn’t the reason. And I want to be here if he wakes up. Lord knows you don’t have any bedside manners.”

“You say that as if you _do,_ Phil.”

The man sighed. “Alright, mate, fair point. We’ll both stick around, huh?”

“Well _someone_ has to go do a security check and get food, and it isn’t gonna be me-”

Ranboo could hear two voices bantering back and forth. He could tell it was Technoblade and Philza, but his hearing was muffled. He could feel a soft surface below him, and a pillow beneath his head. He tried to shift to a sitting position.

“He’s awake,” Techno remarked.

Suddenly, Ranboo could feel a hand on his shoulder. He flinched. “You’re up, son!” He could tell it was Philza speaking to him, and from the sound of it, he was much closer now. “How’re you feeling?”

Ranboo’s throat was still extremely dry. He gestured towards his throat, and within seconds he could feel a cold glass of something in his hand. He raised it to his lips and drank.

_Berry juice. It’s sweet._

He took a deep breath before continuing. “I- I can’t really hear you guys, I mean I can hear your words, but it’s all muffled. Like you’re underground or something.”

Technoblade spoke. “That makes sense. We found you in the snow a couple of days ago. You were buried up to your ears in it, and you were knocked out cold. So you might’ve burnt your ears with the water.”

“Oh.” Ranboo drank from his glass again.

Philza cleared his throat, rubbing Ranboo’s shoulder gently. “You can rest here until you’re back in full health. It isn’t safe to live on your own in this condition.”

Ranboo sat still for a while, weighing his words. _Philza’s isn’t usually this considerate… it’s nice._

The boy nodded. “If- if you’re both okay with that, then yeah, I would love to. I just- um, where is “here”? Where am I?”

Technoblade laughed. “What do you mean you don’t know where you are?”

“Well, I mean, I haven’t opened my eyes yet, so I don’t know? They feel like lead right now, they’re so heavy. Still stinging, too,” Ranboo replied, somewhat confused.

Philza’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “Son, what do you mean you haven’t opened your eyes yet? You’ve- you’ve literally been staring at Techno this whole time.”

Ranboo furrowed his brow, tilting his head to the side. He could feel bandages on his neck and hands shifting as he moved. “N-no? My eyes are closed right now, I just see black.”

The two older men went quiet.

“Ranboo,” Technoblade started slowly. “I don’t know how you ended up in the snow, dead to the world, but you… you cried. There were blood streaks on your face, we could tell. Could you… possibly go blind from that? Could you burn your eyes that badly?”

Ranboo’s face paled.

_Please, just let me close my eyes and wake up to see the world surrounding me again._


End file.
